Sunday, February 05, 2006

Changes

My daily prayer has had the same base for the last twenty two years. It begins with the thoughts of my children. I have prayed for their direction, their health and their happiness. I have not always gotten the answer that I desired or even wanted. Of course I believe that God will guide people through their good and bad choices as long as their heart is with Him. In turn, I accept what my children do. I pray that their heart stays strong within the Lord, even if they do not see it at the time.
One of my larger fears is that I will see my children as often as we see my husband's parents (almost never). We do communicate with them constantly- but we are not near to each other. I do not want to grow old without my children and grandchildren (assuming my children will marry, their spouses like us, and they have children of their own). My husband feels that they will always visit us here on the farm- visits are not the same as constant contact.
I did not have great contact with my own grandparents. My children did not have great contact with their grandparents. This was not because they were unloved or even unliked. My kids LOVE their grandparents- they just never spent a great deal of time with them. Same with me. My grandparents were a great influence on me- but they were not constantly there.
So, I wonder. Will I have enough contact to know my children into adulthood well? Will my grandchildren be able to feel comfortable to call me anytime and ask me to come(or them to come here)? Will I be comfortable enough with my children's spouses that they will welcome us to their households as a part of their lives as well.
Back to the prayers and the trust that God will guide my children's hearts in their movements and mine in accepting where I am- here in Kansas.

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