Thursday, January 22, 2009

I have been asleep for hours

and now I find myself awake in the still of the night. I read a post over at Patty's MorningRamble that made me think about my own journey this last four years.
We moved here five years ago- but I let my old job go (and the big money) four years ago last November.
What is the fear that keeps us in a certain place? That place does not have to be a physical one- but a mental one. There is a great deal of freedom when you begin to let go of possessions being in charge of your life. I have to chuckle that as I free myself of the "stuff" that I have accumulated over the years, my husband is accumulating his "stuff". Both my old stuff and his new stuff take up the top of the barn. We have to walk to the barn to see the stuff, but it is not in our immediate life.
For some reason I no longer feel that I have to hold tightly to the physical things of my extended family. There was some fear there that those things kept me in a certain place, a certain social status, a certain history and by letting it go those places would also be gone. That is not true. I am slowly learning that it is my heart that holds the journey not the things. My stories are what bring family, not my possessions. My listening that brings unity, not my commentary.
I need the presence of God. My lifestyle affords me that. I need space. My house affords me that. I need art and artists. My lifelong friends and the art I have collected afford me that. But, slowly, I do not need everyone to think the same way I do. Being here, now, with no Church and no close family nearby, affords me that right now. I will be looking for the community here soon. My phone community settles my heart enough right is good.

1 comment:

Debbie in CA : ) said...

The freedom that results from letting go has such a heavenly portend about it. Coming from poverty (of more than just material) I grasped it all tightly to my heart, but soon learned that having more didn't feel better. I let it go and opened myself up to a whole world of peace and joy. I hold my hands open to the gifts of the Lord (and an open hand simply cannot hang onto anything). Enjoy your journey, sweet friend.

Peace be with you this Saturday. It is misty-rainy-beautiful day in my gardens, but I snuggle by the fire with cocoa for just a bit longer before I go off to pay bills (UGH, my least favorite task of the home).

Thinking of you . . .