Monday, January 16, 2012

Long marriages/Divorce

Today the news that a long time blogger is getting a divorce.
Most saw it coming a while ago, still it is sad. (

Once we hit the twentieth year of marriage,
we started to see many long marriages cave.
Putting on my historical cap- I wondered.

Marriage for "love" is a pretty new concept.
Arranged marriages are still the norm in most of the world.
Somehow, we Western Europeans and Americans have in our heads
that one person is going to make us complete for the rest of our lives.
So short sighted.

Marriage was, and still is in most of the world, a way to unite families.
To unite and keep wealth and power.
To protect children and their eventual wealth and power
so the elders would not be left to themselves in misery of growing old.
Religions were used to make marriages "stick".
Vows were simple and in front of family.

My mother's generation used to talk about " marrying up".
Hers was the first generation of divorce - in great numbers.
Women, who had been misinformed
that their role was to care for -----whatever
often were left in the dust as a cuter, faster woman took her place.
 Men left the scene to "find love" in another place.
Women soon gained education and joined the workforce.

Men are no longer an issue since women can support themselves
and have children without them.
sounds hard core- but I am hearing that from the next generation.

As we have seen our friends and families struggle through staying together
we have witnessed a variety of ways to handle the inevitable stage of growth-
one person is growing quickly and the other is settled on being who they are.
Separation, instead of divorce, is becoming a well used tool.
Wealthy women used to go on Grand Tour of Europe
now they get a job in another country.
Still, the connection is not lost.

Most of our friends have chosen to stay together.
 Maybe it is peer support.
Maybe it is because of vows.
Maybe it is simply because we know each other well
and we know that we can grow together again.
Those who have chosen to divorce----
they really did not have the desire to be together at all.

When we see men leaving- without a spouse waiting
we often shake our heads.
Sure it looks like the dating scene is fun
but it isn't.

Unless there is a great desire for a new partner,
I don't see the need to end a marriage.
I may be traveling here and there-
but eventually, sitting by a fire with my loved one
in my older age is exactly where I want to be.

Think long term!

In this generations' speak
most millionaires (who did not inherit their money) are married
to their first spouse.
Getting rich may slow down for JD....


Barb said...

I agree-I have this feeling that in a year or so he's gonna regret his choice and she wont be waiting. Just dont get the midlife crisis thing. But them Im a widow and cannot imagine making the choice to live alone willingly.

Bob Lowry said...

I can't imagine my life without being married to my life partner for the last 36 years. I can't even remember my life before marriage.

Marriage has become just another disposable part of our lifestyle. Nothing is built to last, including relationships. That is sad.

Janette said...

I have imagined living by myself. A great counselor asked me, "Where will your children go for Christmas?" That is when I stopped and realized any decisions would involve far more people than me.

Then I lost 2 bothers in law and a sister in law. OW!

Taking time, sitting back and thinking are all steps that should be made. A number of women friends I know have done just that in the last few years. As time passes, we regain our footing and loving.

Unfortunately, I am seeing far too many people just walk away. The consequences are usually terrible. Sad is the word...