Tuesday, December 01, 2015

We haven't spoken in a while

My sister and I have not spoken in four years.
We do, occasionally, "chat" on facebook.
No actual voice contact.

That came after four years of almost nightly calls from her
She worked through loads of things
using me as her listener.
My husband reminds me that he never got to see me in the evenings
since she called and I always picked up. Sometimes I even went
across country to buy groceries. He often shook his head at that one.

Needed to be needed.

I am the one that broke the chain.
After having my mother go after me
again and again
to make sure my sister
had a will
on the side of the road in New Mexico on my way back to Kansas,
after staying at  my nephew's bedside at night in the hospital
and moving my mother
into a new place,
I screamed at her to
just get a damn will.

I was ugly.

I have only been that exhausted and angry twice
and that was one of the times.
Not an excuse, just is what it is.

That was it.
The phone went silent.
Weird at first.
Withdrawal was tough.
After a time, the family grew and time spent was forgotten.

Still strange.

Remembered the time when a test for vulnerability was given in college?
The professor remarked to me that I put too much faith in people
and it would come to haunt me someday.


Tom Sightings said...

Sounds complicated, and like you have mixed feelings, but it seems as if you're working through them. In the end, I hope you talk to your sister again.

Janette said...

I hope so as well. Thanks Tom!